Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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