she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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