You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
