Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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