Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
