Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
