Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
