I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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