I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
