Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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