Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
