no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As shirtless as possible
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
