I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
