Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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