I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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