the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
