Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
