Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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