All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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