I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He kissed a someone with a penis
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
