So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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