My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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