I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
