never play flip cup with pint glasses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
