lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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