if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
