I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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