U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
