I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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