No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
