Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
