She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
