I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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