i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
how drunk are you?
Several
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
