i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
