It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
