Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The uberlube is also flammable
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
