Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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