so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
