when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
