So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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