oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
