I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
