I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
