i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
