1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
