STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
