i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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