Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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