alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
